This month we are celebrating three years of marriage. And by “celebrating” I mean I wrote most of this while lying in bed wondering how on earth I got through pain even worse than this on our wedding day. Is it really possible to have such an adrenaline rush? Amazing.
I still maintain that there is only so much you can say about your marriage in particular before your seventh anniversary. But there are already a few things I now know which would have surprised me three years ago.
My life is incredibly–perhaps completely?–Josh-centric now. I never would have guessed that.
I thought of complete absorption in the other as a shallow risk of new infatuations. Little did I know it can also be the result of marriage.
It is perhaps most dangerous at this phase. I instinctively consider Josh in everything, but I cannot possibly know him well enough to have these subconscious considerations always match well with his reality.
Another aspect of this is that I now know what loneliness is. Marriage has enabled me to be more than I ever was by myself, and that means that I am now incomplete in an entirely new way.
The most peculiar thing of all is that this is apparently health rather than dysfunction. Who ever would have guessed that health–and indeed happiness–would have so much in common with the sickly obsessiveness of youthful romance?
And on a more obvious note, we are childless. I would not have guessed that 3 years ago. Sure, I would have said that it would most likely be wise to wait, but I do not recall ever claiming to be wise. And you know how other people somehow find ways to justify buying a house before they are ready, or expensive toys because they can make it work in the moment even though it really isn’t wise? I don’t think that I am better than them, just that I want different things. Oh wait, I just called a child a thing. Oops.
I knew that it was likely that we would not be ready in August, 2010, but I am not sure I have ever been ready for anything in life, and somehow it happened anyway. If nothing else, we certainly found a way to get married before it was wise, so why should I have thought that adding more people to our family would be any different?
One thing that does not surprise me is my body, though it is true that I could not have understood how much my sickness would cost Josh. In order to look smarter at predicting things that can’t be predicted, I am going to go on the record now with the expectation that my sixth anniversary will be spent without debilitating menstrual pain. Because who really needs to reenact the way they felt on their wedding anyway?
- Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll
- Using Contraception with a Natural Family Planning Mentality