I don’t care all that much about blog traffic, but I do love checking Google Analytics. It isn’t the numbers on the first page that delight me, it is the list of keywords that people search which lead them to my blog.
When I read through recent keywords I am almost always surprised. Sometimes I smirk, sometimes I sigh, and sometimes I wish that I could respond to the searchers directly. I can’t do that, but I can post here.
Before I do though, can I just say that people phrase their searches in really odd ways? Alright. Thank you.
Ways people found my blog in the past month:
i pass out when i prick my finger
Yikes, try to avoid that, okay?
if i dont have alot of iron in my blood can donating plasma make me pass out
Ehem, why are you asking me this? Oh yes, because I am the expert who posted about iron levels once. Well then, the answer is that anything can happen, but as long as you only donate plasma at a reputable (legal) center and avoid the vampire supplementation clinics you should be fine.
natural family planning with a contraceptive mentality
Sorry, doesn’t exist. You see, natural family planning relies on abstinence, and by definition that cannot be contraceptive. Whenever the Catholic Church refers to a “contraceptive mentality” She is talking about the mentality that promotes artificial contraception.
why people alway want something else
Because people are stupid and we like to make ourselves unhappy. If you figure out a solution let me know!
hate crock pots
“mother teresa” lentils
That sounds like a great recipe! Please share when you find it!
a womens place quiverfull
Oh, dear, must you depress me so?! I would really rather not think about such things.
am i called to be celibate and married
See your spiritual director.
another way to say ‘not welcome’
Oh, I struggle with finding ways to say things without offending others as well! Good luck!
aquinas claims that honesty and justice will not make us genuinely fulfilled or happy because
…we cheat on our homework! Stop googling and actually do your reading!
are hair dryers good for the environment
as a catholic can i abstain from sex with my husband?
I hope so, especially if you are Catholic!
assume another miscarriage
I am so very sorry.
augustine +theology of the body
Yeah, there are some issues there, aren’t there? Have fun sorting them out!
augustine marriage and celibacy
Want the short version? Marriage= good, celibacy=better.
Wasn’t technically a marriage.
baby readiness test
When you find a source of such answers inside yourself rather than the Internet, you are ready.
bc pills to trigger ovulation
Only if you’re a crazy anti-pill person. For the rest of us who listen to doctors, the pill suppresses ovulation.
being called providentialism because i don’t believe in using nfp
Well that is a pity. Tell them I said to stop using big words they don’t understand and leave you alone.
being pressured into using nfp
That is horrible. I am sorry. Unless, of course, the pressure is coming from yourself. In which case, good for you!
blood donation red wine
Now that is an idea! Nothing like a glass of wine to make needles a bit less painful. Oh wait! Were you talking about communion?
can a catholic married couple consent to be celibate
Of course! Otherwise you’d have to denounce most married Saints.
can a crock pot be used in place of a fondue pot
Oh, now you make crock pots seem less worthless! Yum, fondue.
can crock pots stay on all day
If they work.
can things only be in a crock pot for a few hours
It depends upon whether you want them to taste good.
comparing children to older siblings
consummation necessary for marriage
Nope. Otherwise you wouldn’t be married at your wedding (well at least not at any wedding I’d want to attend!).
counting calories is stupid
It does feel that way, doesn’t it?
counting calories makes me unhappy
do catholics circumcise
Yes, but they are not supposed to unless there is a health reason.
do i go to hell if im not circumcised
You’ll have to see your rabbi for that one.
do not long for a brood of worthless children
Good advice! The Bible is full of wisdom, isn’t it?
do people think your prettier than you think
One can always hope, right?
does augustine thinks that marriage is wrong
No, just inferior.
does your blood iron go up or down on your period?
What makes you think it might go up? Just curious.
drawn towards quiverfull
That is okay, just fight it! Your children will thank you.
dressed like a prostitute
Did you mean to search for “women’s Halloween costumes?”
early church fathers celibacy bad
I’m guessing that you’re still searching for that, so just wanted to let you know that you won’t find it. Try “early church fathers celibacy good” if you’d like results. Good luck!
eating meat twice a week – how long until iron levels are up?
Have you considered taking iron?
engagement rings keep men from hitting on you
So they do? Okay then, I’m buying one!
hair dryers ruin environment
Yikes! And to think that I thought that eating meat and driving a lot was the problem!
how i went from nfp to quiverfull
Let me guess, you went from Catholic to Fundamentalist Protestant.
how long does the iron from guiness take to raise ur iron count
Such a good question! Would you considering sponsoring my research on the subject?
how often do crock pots cause house fires
I don’t know and I don’t want to find out!
how often do you abstain in natural family planning
Presumably for one segment of each menstrual cycle when avoiding pregnancy… how often you do that is up to you! Oh, and the length of abstaince could range from a few days to the rest of your life. Or, a more helpful average of a week or two each cycle for a healthy woman.
how to punish child formnotmwatching younger sibling
Or you could consider perhaps being the parent and watching yourself?
how to tell a mom that she need to give attention to the older child too
Presumably it depends upon your relationship with her. If she is your friend, address it the way you address any other issue. If you don’t really know her, then either say nothing if it isn’t really an issue, or call child services if it is a big problem.
i hate tests
Me too. Except for standardized tests. I like those.
if your child is a burden maybe its your fault
is pulling all-nighters a sin?
I hope not! On the other hand though, you should take care of yourself. Get some sleep.
lovely lady and habitat for humanity
Sounds like you had a good experience!
more time required to parent large families
nfp catholic young couples grad school
Sounds like a good idea to me!
nfp is pro-woman
no electricity how can i dry my hair
no longer quiverfull
Good for you!
no wealth but life rae
I feel like you’re stalking me.
oldest child,too much responsibility as young kid
I am sorry.
I’m sorry! I can’t help it. I also can’t help being a little flattered that I was one of the top results for your search…
pain due to endometrosis what solution is unmarried
Hopefully anything that works. I wouldn’t suggest pregnancy. I hope you find something that works for you!
quiverfull and extra curricular activities
Wow. Let’s not go there.
I am sorry. Please figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself… and your children.
resentment husband resents me for having kids
Are they his kids? Are you pressuring him into sex when he doesn’t really want it?
results of a celibate marriage
What type? Forced through circumstance? Probably frustration. Chosen for spiritual reasons? Probably Saints.
siblings discipline each other
Such a bad idea.
teenager “authority over” sibling
Also a bad idea
was jesus a utilitarian
what food did mother teresa eat
Apparently lentils? If the other searcher gives me the recipe then I’ll be certain to share it with you.
what type of sex can you have in quiverfull?
why can’t catholics write their own vows?
Same reason they can’t make up their own order of service etc.
why do i always want to have control
Because then you would be in charge?
why do my crock pot roasts turn out like bricks?
Wait! I thought the reason to use a crock pot (other than fondue) was to have meat cook well!
why do selfish, self-centered, people seem to prosper
That is a question for the ages.
you make your own happiness
Yes, yes, and no.
- I am thankful 12/5/2010
- Leather and Consistency
holy cow! I need to check out that site. Some of these are great.
I would love to see the ones you get on your blog!
Wow. I had never heard the term “quiverfull” before today.
The searches – questionable – your answers – brilliant.
Vampire supplementation clinics – funny!
And why people always want something else? Yes, people are stupid. (timidly raises hand)
Actually I was going to comment on all of these but your answers were just too creative. I couldn’t add anything to what you wrote. And the funny just kept coming – so I sat back and enjoyed.
It was a very, very hard day – and this made it better. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind comment!
Bwahahaha. Rae, you are awesome.
Very funny! I’ve contemplated writing one of these myself, I get some of the weirdest searches.
Go for it. I would love to read yours!
I also had never heard of quiverfull before. People search for some random things.
i do not know where all your patience come to answer to all these strings. I lost it by the 2/3 of them….
This is absolutely hilarious. I wonder what it would say if I did an analysis?
I can only imagine with your combination of topics!
This is hilarious – my face is probably bright red from trying not to laugh out loud and thus draw attention to the fact that I am not working while at work.
Always glad to amuse!
ha, rebecca! i just burst out laughing. couldn’t hold it in. i’m super curious about MT’s lentils now! maybe its a quick path to sainthood? there were so many good responses on your part but (one of) my favorite(s) was – i feel like you’re stalking me.
too funny. you should make this a regular thing!
Seriously, how can they be holding out on the lentil sainthood secret! Perhaps we should get a FOIA request for the Vatican secret archives? Too bad that isn’t how it works.
Too hilarious! I love your responses!
This is the best example of SEO I’ve seen to date. A little internal linking action from initial landing pages and you’ll be set for many more Mother Theresa Lentils visitors.
Why thank you!
“natural family planning with a contraceptive mentality
Sorry, doesn’t exist. You see, natural family planning relies on abstinence, and by definition that cannot be contraceptive. Whenever the Catholic Church refers to a “contraceptive mentality” She is talking about the mentality that promotes artificial contraception.”
I disagree. An act can be immoral if one has an evil intent. So, if one is using NFP with the intention of never having children for no grave reason, NFP becomes the best form of contraception since when used properly it never fails. I admit that it’s a very thin line and we can never judge people’s motives. But, to say that the contraceptive mentality cannot exist within NFP is problematic. Don’t get me wrong though, NFP is light years ahead of contraception and I think people who follow it become less and less likely to have this mentality. But, it’s a problem for those who think of it as a church approved contraception.
What Church documents refer to a “contraceptive mentality” as one which abstains from sex in order to avoid children without good reason? All the documents that I have seen use the term to describe the mentality which causes one to use contraception, something which by definition separates sex and procreation. NFP never separates sex and procreation, so it cannot be contraception. Birth control? Yes. Contraception? No.
I realize that I might have missed something, especially in the past few years. If so, please do share the source with me! But otherwise, please understand that there is a difference between contraception and birth control and a “contraceptive mentality” is not the same as an improperly controlling or selfish mentality.
I don’t want to get too caught up in how the term “contraceptive mentality” is used. Yes, Evangelium Vitae uses it as you say and I can’t find a magisterial document that uses it differently. But, my point is that it is possible to use NFP with evil intent no matter what you call it. Also, you are right to say NFP is not contraception since NFP does not attack a natural faculty. (I had to double check with a moral theologian.)
So, when it is morally permissible to use NFP? I would like to quote Pius XII in his Address to midwives:
“Serious motives, such as those which not rarely arise from medical, eugenic, economic and social so-called “indications,” may exempt husband and wife from the obligatory, positive debt for a long period or even for the entire period of matrimonial life. From this it follows that the observance of the natural sterile periods may be lawful, from the moral viewpoint: and it is lawful in the conditions mentioned. If, however, according to a reasonable and equitable judgment, there are no such grave reasons either personal or deriving from exterior circumstances, the will to avoid the fecundity of their union, while continuing to satisfy to tile full their sensuality, can only be the result of a false appreciation of life and of motives foreign to sound ethical principles. ”
Deacon Todd: Trust me, Rae is well aware that NFP can be practiced in unacceptable ways. The problem is in calling that a “contraceptive mentality.” The misuse of the term often indicates a confusion about what the Church actually teaches on the subject.
I’m actually planning to write a post examining the meaning of the phrase in magisterial documents in the next few days.
I look forward to it.
“I don’t want to get too caught up in how the term “contraceptive mentality” is used. ”
Oh. The thing is that this post was about keywords, so how it is used was rather the entire point for me. I doubt we disagree on the substance.
When you asked for magisterial teaching, I assumed we were talking about the substance of the meaning. I think I see where I misunderstood you now. I’m glad that we don’t actually disagree on the teaching, then. But, I do have to point out that how a term is used does not have to be defined at a magisterial level and it’s quite common to hear “contraceptive mentality,” in the way I described.
“A further point to be made is that, even if couples do not impede the procreative potential of a given act of intercourse, (i.e., even if they do not contracept), they may well be engaging in their acts of intercourse with a mentality opposed to the good of children. Such a mentality (some call it a “contraceptive mentality”) is utterly contrary to the meaning of marital love. It can develop even in a couple that practices natural means of birth regulation if the couple begins to see fertility as a disease to be avoided at all costs. While engaging in an act of intercourse with an anti-child mentality is not the moral equivalent of engaging in contracepted intercourse, it springs from the same disordered view of fertility and may result in a sort of rebellion against the goods of marriage.”
You’ve already said that you disagree with using this terminology this way and that’s fine. But, I hope you understand why I thought you meant you disagreed with the teaching when you said that the contraceptive mentality “doesn’t exist.”
I do think that misusing terms that are used by the magisterium (while pretending that one is expounding on “Church teaching”) does breed misunderstanding and should be avoided, but I wasn’t getting that serious here.
I LOVED this post… Your responces had me cracking up. Dh thought I was nuts. Looked at my dashboard to see some of mine, and had a few that had me giggling too… not so many but still I think “eaten alive by mustard” was my favourite of mine.
So glad to make you laugh!
Lol..how funny!! I have a google analytics account, but I have no idea how to read it. Lol.
I just click through to the “Traffic Sources Overview” and then read the “Keywords” which are listed on the lower right.
Thanks. I might. Just.for.you.
oh the quiverfull searches are so depressing! (shudder, shudder) at least your responses lightened it up!
I’m never sure whether it is appropriate to speak lightly about such things, but it is my natural way of responding/coping, so that is that.