August 2010
I have a secret. I looked forward to August 2010 for two and a half years. No one knew that I was anticipating it, let alone why. Some things you just do not talk about.
Two things happened in August this year: my second wedding anniversary and my 25th birthday. I knew that they would happen in August of 2010 and I knew that for many adoption agencies, states and countries this would make us eligible to start the adoption process.
When Josh and I were dating I knew that I wanted a long engagement. And I would have been quite happy to be engaged for a year longer than we were. But I also realized that it is good to build a solid foundation of marriage before having children, and that we would need to be married for two years before we could adopt. I deeply desired children, and figured that if I had to wait at least two years I should start waiting as soon as possible!
This was not the main reason we got married when we did, but it was a very important factor in making me feel happy about getting married sooner rather than later. Right before my 23rd birthday Josh and I got married.
Then August 2010 arrived. There was absolutely no doubt about the fact that we were not anywhere near ready to responsibly welcome a child into our home.
And somehow it was alright. The world continued to go ’round, I continued to breathe, and children continued to live and die without any concern for whether I was a mother.
This too is beautiful.
Being willing to hold off on our plans to wait for God’s is a beautiful thing. Thanks for the honesty.
Very nice post.
Oh what a beautiful post – how you express yourself. Peace to you.
I heart this post.
August 10 2010 I welcomed my 4th child into my home. And I spent the month after scrambling around doing the math on how long now before an agency considered us ready to consider our first adoption again with a newborn in tow and all. (we were getting ready for a home study when we found we were pregnant.)
Just this week I’ve realized that I am not ready either. The adjustment to 4 is enough to focus on for now.
Again I will be faithful with what I have been given already.
this too is beautiful
You are an inspiration for being “faithful with what I have been given already!”
May God continue to guide your discernment as to how He desires you to welcome children, whether biologically*, spiritually, or through adoption, into your home.
*Abraham and Sarah, Elizabeth and Zechariah, Joachim and Anna…. God is capable of doing anything He particularly desires on the biological children front.
I can so relate to this. Turning 30 was dreadful for me partly because when The Man and I got married (when I was 25) we said we’d have a baby in 5 years. Well, as 30 approached it became clear to me that we were in no way ready for a baby. It took me a while to get to where I was OK with both the fact that we weren’t ready for children AND that I wasn’t sure I wanted any.
I couldn’t agree with you more – This too is beautiful!
Prayers for you friend, many prayers.
I think that it helps me to have a little bit of a reality check. 30 is not old, and 25 is even less so! Who knows where we will both be in 5 or 10 years? Only God. Thanks for sharing and understanding.
I have no words…speechless in admiration for this, Rae!
Your attitude towards this is really cool.
So beautifully written ( and I imagine lived)!
Thank you all for your very kind comments!
We’ve only just passed our 1st Anniversary, but we also have a goal to apply for adoption at our 2nd anniversary, but I suspect that we won’t be ready either. And that’s ok. We’ll just keep praying and discerning for the right time.
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