Guest post by Sarah Joy. I often joke about “guest posting” in the comment section of blogs, and finally found an excuse to turn someone else’s comment into a guest post! Thank you, Sarah Joy!
I was never supposed to have children. The doctors said so.
After being told this for many years, I retaliated with the thought that I didn’t want them anyway.
Then, one day, two lines appeared.
I found out I was pregnant in the midst of big deadlines at work at the bank. I didn’t even tell my husband I had bought the test. Why should I? It would be negative anyway.
I took it after work, still wearing my snappy navy dress suit and classic leather heels.
My expensive woolen executive armor didn’t shield me from the truth in the urine.
I shrieked in disbelief. I stormed out of the bathroom, waving the plastic encased stick it in the air as if it was a piece of overlooked contraband I had found, like a lacy pair of panties wedged between couch cushions. I wanted answers.
I was angry.
My husband, the bouncer-framed German-Italian, whose boys obviously can swim quite well, laughed in a way that patted me on the head.
“What am I going to do about this?” I said spitting mad.
“You’re going to have a baby…” he said confidently; matter-of-factly.
I realized I wasn’t angry. I was scared — for the first time in my life — of a baby.
My tough exterior broke and I threw myself into my husband’s strong arms. I cried until my black mascara smudged onto his gray t-shirt. He ran his fingers through my red hair, ignoring that it had been tied in a neat knot. I was an undone mess.
“…and I’m going to take care of you,” he whispered in my ear gently, holding me close.
Nothing could have prepared me for motherhood. I had plans on top of plans for my life, and they did not involve children.
God’s plans were bigger than mine, though.
Within a few short years, He gave me five children — more than the number of hands that my husband and I have combined. It takes a lot to humble a hard-ass soul like mine, but I was defeated by children.
Parenting is not easy. It challenges the heart in ways that cannot be fathomed. It is not what we expect or even what we think it will be. Books, videos, and even the testimonials of friends cannot prepare us for the change that takes place in us when we cross the bridge into motherhood.
When a child who is part of you becomes your world, and you realize that there is nothing you wouldn’t do for them, even give up your life for them, you cannot help but change. We change when things closest to our heart are at stake.
For me? Becoming a mother was one of the best things that ever happened to me. My children have taught me much about life, love, and about myself.
I am eternally thankful.
You can follow Sarah Joy on Twitter @mrsalbrecht
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