Apparently sick is the new healthy for me.
So far 2012 has been an incredible improvement for me physically compared to the five previous years. Or, more correctly, it has been a huge improvement in the area of reducing pain. I still have what I’d like to call “hormonal issues” related to memory, fatigue, etc. but they are better by half, and straight up physical pain is about 20% of what it was a few years ago. Amazing.
And yet there are several indications that I am actually less healthy.
The first is that I now have a weight problem. In the past I had a cultural problem, I now have a weight problem. Five years ago I gained 20lbs in one year. It was not good since I had been at a healthy weight and it happened because I went from being fairly active to barely moving due to pain. But the weight was not much of a health problem in itself since I was simply at the very highest range of a healthy weight. I went from 6s being really loose to 8s being snug. I was the only one who really cared.
This time is different. I just went from being just barely a sortof “healthy” weight to solidly overweight. Physically, it is not healthy. Socially, I’ve crossed the line from a sort of neutral, not especially attractive/no one really notices my size, to a place where cultural judgments of sloth come in.
This summer I saw a pregnant friend and freaked out a little internally that maybe she had preeclampsia… because her face looked just like mine.
Then there is the whole fertility cycle thing. The main reason that I have been able to stay off the pill since February is that I simply have not had to live with the same hormonal fluctuations and pain that come with normal fertility for me. Part of it was most likely due to significantly increasing my running, but part of it is unexplained. I’m just not healthy.
About a month ago, on the same day that I learned that I had gained 20lbs in 9 months (a nice healthy pregnancy gain, right?) I also got the results from all the typical complete physical blood tests. Everything was perfect. That matched up nicely with p+7 results which the nurse proclaimed to be fabulous (apparently what I read as low average they read as excellent?). So I’m healthy?
I am also confident that it is really only 19.75lbs of fat gained because I have (very slight) muscle definition on my arms for the first time in my life. If I account for the burden of carrying all this excess weight around, then I am also the most fit that I have ever been in terms of running.
I know why I gained weight, so losing it should be easy. I gained weight because I am eating about 2000 calories a day now, compared to around 1,400/day a year ago.
The problem is that I like feeling better more than I dislike being overweight. Not that eating less would actually allow me to lose weight, but it might prevent me from gaining another 10lbs by the end of the year.
So the solution is clearly to go blind and then forget all knowledge of fertility awareness. Then I won’t have to deal with a few of the reminders that sick is the new healthy.
In the meantime I live in this really odd place of enjoying feeling better and trying to do everything I can to be healthier, while at the same time periodically freaking out because I can’t seem to grasp the fact that I really am this overweight.
- HHS Mandate And The Doctor Who Wouldn’t Give Me The Pill
- Moderate Romney and Abortion