More than a few people misunderstood my last post on my philosophical problem with happiness. They naturally assumed that I had a problem with the issue because I am unhappy. In reality, I am quite happy. The very fact that I have been unhappy before and am happy now despite not being a better person is a significant source of my angst regarding this issue.
I am not happy now because I am a super-spiritual person who has chosen to find God through my struggles. I am not happy now because I value others more than myself and give freely. I am not happy now because I have learned the secret of choosing joy.
I am happy because I am not in pain. Well, actually that is not entirely true at the moment. But these days I am in a moderate amount of pain for a few days each month rather than being in constant pain every day and extreme pain for almost a week each month. One may be all saintly and content regardless of pain, but pain simply is not conducive to happiness. And if it is real pain, then it does not matter how holy you are, you’re going to be in too much pain to “choose happiness.”
I am happy because of Josh. Josh is one of those people who is oriented toward happiness/joy. Being around him has allowed a little bit of his happiness to overflow to me. I will never be as naturally happy as he is, but I have learned to experience life a little bit of the way that he does, and it is much happier.
Furthermore, Josh is extremely loving and does a great job caring for me. And what do you know? Having him dedicate significant energy to making me happy has actually resulted in me being happier!
I am happy because I am married. Marriage is obviously closely related to Josh (in fact, it is how we are related) but it is actually a separate source of happiness. Marriage is stability. Marriage is security. Marriage means less thinking and more doing. And all of these things make me happier.
I am happy because I have enough food, water, vitamins, omega 3s etc. Adequate nutrition is essential for both physical and mental health. Getting enough iron means that I am not tired, hence I am happier. Consistently getting enough omega 3s makes me healthier and, you guessed it, happier.
I am happy because I do not have a child. While I would eagerly trade happiness for a child, it is simply true that not having children makes me happier. I get enough sleep. I do not worry about my baby suffocating or my 5-year-old beating up other children or my 13-year-old failing school. I can handle my life with relative ease because I only have to take care of myself. While children are an infinite blessing, they are also a drain on daily happiness.
I do not believe that these things should determine my happiness, but they do. And factors very much like these determine happiness for everyone. Hence my problem with happiness: it is not based on goodness.
Of course the fact that I have a problem with happiness does not in any way deter me from enjoying it. I am rather fond of happiness!
Are you happy? If so, why? If not, what do you think it would take to make you happy?
I am glad that you are so happy! I think one of your commenters from your last post mentioned that joy is constant, happiness is fleeting. I agree that happiness is not based on goodness, however, joy seems to be based much more on goodness and hope. Happiness that is derived from joy, as opposed to happiness acquired from induglence, is happiness, indirectly, based on goodness.
Thanks for this post! It reminds me to see goodness and joy in everyday, to be jubilant in my faith and in hope, and to let happiness transcend through those efforts.
That is an interesting way to look at it. I think that the interplay between happiness and joy is just beyond me! Though hopefully not forever.
I think that happiness comes primarily from being content with your lot in life. Like the song “its not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got!” Some of the things on your list could be major causes for unhappiness if you chose to look at them in that way. For me, happiness has been growing in my life because of my husband, my children, and my killing my perfectionism. I was never happy when I thought I “should” be doing better, now I try to do what I can and let it be good enough.
I do think that gratitude (and NOT greed) is an important component of happiness.
it is 2 am and i am pumping…i am happy i have milk for my daughter…..tmi.
Completely understood there. I rarely pump, but being able to feed my son makes me very happy too.
Good for you!
And not TMI at all. I don’t believe in TMI, at least not on my blog.
I have an upcoming post about an interesting article written by John Adams about how the pursuit of happiness for the people should be the purpose of the government… which I disagree with. Very interesting though.
Sounds interesting!
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