There Is No Wealth But Life

C’est La Randomo

By Rae November 9, 2011 Life 4 Comments

Tests Show Most Store Honey Isn’t Honey

Ultra-filtering Removes Pollen, Hides Honey Origins

It turns out that Josh was right and it is worth paying more for real honey–you know, the stuff with the odd bee-stuff on top?

Added bonus: now I get to make fun of people who won’t purchase toys made in China but will buy “honey” of “unknown” origin.

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Some have been reviving the “single women vs. mothers” conflicts. I try not to smile. Clearly all women fit into those categories, and those of us who appear not to are really just pre-mothers?

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Candles are the best.

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I am slowly re-convincing myself that blogging is easy, and I can do it without thinking. Hopefully I will be able to do the same with email again.

What They Don’t Tell You

By Rae November 8, 2011 Sad Days 5 Comments

They don’t tell you about how living with someone with a chronic illness eats away your life.

They don’t tell you how the pain will seep into your soul in ways that you cannot see because it has blinded you.

They don’t tell you how different it is when “in sickness and in health” turns out to mean “in sickness and in more sickness.”

They don’t tell you about living each day with the fact that you will never be “good enough” to make it better.

They don’t tell you about how very, very tired you will be.

They don’t tell you because they don’t know.

Why I Wear Skirts

By Rae November 7, 2011 The Feminine 13 Comments

I wear skirts. A lot. I am not perfect with my skirt-wearing. Pants somehow make an appearance a few times a week, but–more days than not–I wear skirts.

I wear skirts because I am called by God to be feminine and beautiful, a shining beacon in a dying, gagging world. I know that not everyone can reach these lofty standards, and I certainly do not judge those who use their freedom to choose that which is inferior. Yet I shall continue to wear skirts because I know that…

…oh wait. Sorry. I keep getting others’ reasons mixed up with my own.

I wear skirts and dresses because I am fa… Er, I mean, because my weight is higher than ideal for health.

And skirts and dresses, with a few exceptions, are more forgiving.

Evidence:

The dress in which I am pictured is a size small. The picture on the left is from about the time I met Josh, the picture on the right is from yesterday. I weigh about 25lbs more now than I did then. Let’s just say I don’t even think about wearing the same pants, but I am quite confident that I could fit into any of my old skirts and dresses that my younger sisters might still have.

The truth is that skirts can be an easy substitute for not investing in myself. I can turn to skirts and, with minimal effort, convince myself that I am well cared for, when in reality I haven’t taken all the time to exercise, eat well, and become comfortable with my ever-changing body.

It takes me much longer to find a flattering pair of pants than it does a good-enough skirt.  Shopping for jeans requires significant effort. Ordering a dress online takes seconds. A well-fitting pair of pants indicates that I know my body. A feminine skirt indicates that I know how to hide part of my form, even while attracting more attention.

I wear skirts because I have been overwhelmed with health issues and not taken care of myself. I wear skirts because I do not choose to put in the significant effort to find and purchase pants. I wear skirts because I do not love myself enough to wear that which is both most appropriate and most flattering for my place in this world.

I wear skirts because I am lazy.

Measuring Cups

By Rae November 4, 2011 Food No Comments

When we moved in the spring of last year our cheap measuring cups were one of the many things we did not bring with us. A little over a year later Josh bought me some nice metal ones… for our anniversary.

I was quite pleased. I think that I will probably take them with us the next time that we move.

And yes, I am a little impressed with myself for living for over a year without measuring cups. Alas, it means that I have no idea how to recreate Josh’s favorite cookies ever since goodness knows how much of each ingredient I really used!

House Lust

By Rae November 3, 2011 Life 24 Comments

This week I have skipped over posts in multiple blogs that I regularly read.

My eyes automatically switch into the not-really-seeing-but-waiting-for-change-in-order-to-start-focusing-again look as I scroll down the page. I resume reading only after the stream of pictures has ended and there is nothing like a house in sight.

You see, a lot of the bloggers I read have great taste in houses. And they post about their dream houses with a passion once reserved only for wedding dresses and baby shower games.

Don’t get me wrong, these posts are lovely. That is precisely the problem for me. Others can look at houses for motivation to save money, inspiration for updating their current home, and even simple enjoyment of their beauty.

But domestic luxury is just a little too much for me to handle, and the hangover comes right along with that first tipsy smile at that lovely front porch. I wouldn’t offer drinks after dinner if a certain aunt was at the table, and I don’t feed myself home and garden magazines.

Sometimes I think it is crazy that I act as if pretty pictures of houses were some addictive substance that I need to ignore. After all, there is nothing wrong with having a lovely home and a wonderfully beautiful yard with gorgeous flower beds and the perfect swing and… ehem… where was I?

Anyway, as I was saying, there is nothing wrong with having a nice house.

The problem is that not all of us can keep things in perspective. Sometimes after rolling my eyes at myself for my ridiculous skipping-over of yet another post I will find my eyes alighting on a different perspective. I read about how one couple works themselves sick because they would rather give up today with each other in order to have that house sooner rather than later. I read about an otherwise devout Christian woman who thinks nothing of skimping on charity because of the costs associated with her house. I read about another woman who hopes that she doesn’t get pregnant earlier than planned as it would delay her home renovations. I read about yet another woman who cries over the fact that she and her husband are settling on a house with only two bathrooms.

Seems like Josh and I will start with a little fixer upper

And then I remember our current economic crisis. What about all of those people who played into the whole house lust catastrophe? Oh, of course it is far more complicated than that. But I personally watched people who thought–no, wait, they did not think! that is precisely the problem!–that the nice house was something they needed.

And all the sudden skipping over a few posts doesn’t seem so silly. Sure, it is nice to get ideas for simple Christmas decorating in our apartment, and it is certainly wonderful to steal ideas from bloggers far craftier than I when it comes to making a small space home.

Wait. Did I just type “small?!” I clearly am not strong enough to read house-dream posts without falling for the lie that my apartment is small and I should be pining for the day that we can justify moving into a house. My apartment is not small.

Sure, I’d like to have a nice little house with extensive gardens (yes, that “gardens” is indeed plural)…

…But… I would rather be happy today.

So I skip a few blog posts here and there and instead fill my mind with, well, just about anything else.

How about you? Does house lust make you happier by inspiring you to work harder, or even just through the momentary pleasure of looking at what might someday be yours? Or are you confused about who would even post about random houses in the first place?

Electronic Affection

By Rae November 2, 2011 Relationships 10 Comments

A few days ago I saw the Bright Maidens topic of “Public Displays of Affection” specifically “in the Digital Age.” I did not think much of it until I logged into Facebook and remembered one of the comments bemoaning spouses posting on each other’s wall.

My chest tightened just a bit as I unconsciously held my breath while reading my friends’ expressions of affection.

I have only been married three short years, but I find it impossibly amazing that this love exists! I have it. And if that weren’t miracle enough, so do so many of my friends.

I look at one friend and silently gasp with joy at the fact that he has found someone perfect. Someone who has made him happy. Overwhelmingly happy.

I look at another friend and want to cry in awe of how his wife still adores him despite their worlds being entirely upturned in their marriage which is no longer than mine.

I look at my husband and I wonder how it can be true. How can he have such a strongly positive emotional reaction to me? And how can he still be willing to act as if I am of utmost importance regardless of how he may feel?

I have had friends whose electronic displays of affection departed into pathetically raunchy. Today they are divorced. Somehow they hardly seem worth thinking about. There is nothing surprising in juvenile confused lust falling apart.

What is shocking–breathtakingly, mindboggling shocking–is how so many friends of mine can dare to publicly express a lighthearted, passionate love as if it were guaranteed to last forever. How can they post pictures holding each other as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be infatuated and unafraid?

I look at the frequent kisses in one friend’s photo albums and am amazed at how comfortable they are with this thing called romance.

I see another’s picture of a love note left by her husband on their refrigerator and have to smile at how she can joyfully share it with her world.

I watch the banter of another couple and know that their marriage too will last for another day.

They say that children are more secure when they see their parents comfortably affectionate with each other. Perhaps I am a child but the whole world seems more secure to me when I see evidence that the couples I love are not merely going through the motions–they are so happy in love!

The truth is that most of my friends are not especially open about their romantic relationships. While I may be the queen of TMI, I doubt that I type nearly enough about how wonderful Josh is.  And this is precisely why I am so thankful for the friends who, while in the minority, manage to fill a significant space of my electronic world with their displays of romantic affection.

This thing we call betrothed love is so very special. I cannot be anything other than thankful for those who cannot conceal their gift.

Just A Little Pill

By Rae November 1, 2011 Endometriosis 22 Comments

Today I had a wonderful day. A wonderfully normal day. Sure, a healthy woman would probably not recognize it as a good day, but for me it is simply splendid to have the sort of day of which a normal woman would think nothing.

I made breakfast. I cleaned the apartment a little while listening to my favorite Litany of the Saints several times. I went for a run and was able to run about 2 of the 3.5 miles with only minor pain. I was able to think enough to catch up on some long-overdue emails. I made supper (while taking pictures for a future blog post) and went to Adoration… where I was able to, get this, not only pray but also read! And then I got to go to Mass and a veneration service with no awareness of the great effort it normally takes me.

All of this was possible because of a little pill I took last night.

I know that it has potentially horrible side-effects, but my good Catholic doctor tells me not to worry about them and that they just have to put that stuff on the patient info sheets. And, you know, my doctor does know a whole lot more about these things than I do.

But, just for fun, let’s revisit these potential side-effects…

Abortion/miscarriage. There isn’t actually any proof of this one, but some very respected (if fringe) medical doctors have published books in which they explain why it is likely that this pill will increase the chance of miscarriage, before a woman even has a chance to know that she is pregnant.

Birth defects such as congenital heart defect.

Cancer. This pill may lead to an increase in uterine or breast cancer.

Stroke.

Heart attack.

Blindness.

Hair loss.

Etc. Etc.

I’d rather not have to deal with any of those, but the pill makes me feel oh so much better while I take it!

Of course soon I will have to take the break without the pill. Since I will then feel horrible and not be able to work if I take nothing, I will take alternative pills. They won’t make me feel as good, but at least I will be able to get through my day until I can collapse into bed at 6:30pm.

The other pills have their own, different, list of potential side effects:

Abortion/miscarriage. Unlike the first pill there is actually substantial evidence that this drug increases the chance of having a miscarriage, especially if taken the way that I take it. The patient education sheet says “THIS MEDICINE MAY HARM THE FETUS.”

Heart attack.

Stroke.

Heart failure from swelling.

Kidney failure.

Life-threatening skin or allergic reactions.

Serious stomach bleeding.

So, is it immoral for me to take these little pills?

 

Does it matter that they are not the birth control pill? The first is “bioidentical” progesterone (prescribed by all the good Catholic doctors and taken by just about every other good Catholic woman who is trying to follow the Church’s teachings for gynecological health issues) and the second is naproxen (aka a common painkiller that is available over the counter and you would might take without thinking twice).

I can’t find a way to make sense of the fact that people would be horrified if I were “on the pill” but have no objection to me taking these pills. I’d love to read your thoughts. They may give me something to read in future years if I die slowly of cancer rather than a heart attack. ;-)

I am thankful 10/30/2011

By Rae October 30, 2011 Gratitude 4 Comments

For my sister. All of them, actually, but right now for the one who was able to take truly precious time to visit me this weekend.

For Butternut squash. It was on sale for $0.99 per squash and makes me very happy. Satisfying autumn food, here we come!

For Halloween. I never appreciated this holiday until 2005 when I spent it with Josh’s family. Fun, fun, fun. Something about candy, fire, and funny costumes is just better than dressing up like a Saint whose name you share and eating healthy “treats” with the other kids at church. Just sayin’, so don’t shoot the messenger! The point is just that normal happy Halloween is a whole lot more fun and I am thankful to have a taste of the sweet, corn syrupy happiness!

For my in-laws. They are wonderful, and that is pretty much all there is to it.

For pine cones. The other day Josh brought me home some cinnamon pine cones which was pretty funny. After all, you don’t buy pine cones, you pick them up off of the ground to start fires! But we’re now apparently solidly urbanified  and I smile every time I see them because awww Josh was thinking of me!, and they’re so nice and woodsy.

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