I woke up this morning with a very strong knowledge that I need to reach out to God.
How ironic that some talk of “works” as if they are opposed to grace and faith and a true belief in an almighty personal God. What sort of “relationship” is it that you have that makes you think that nothing you do matters?
It is clear to me that simply “relying on God” shows nothing more clearly than that I do not believe in God.
Oh my God, how you have loved me, and how little I have returned that love!
I read “about” pages on blogs. I suspect that most people do not, but I care about “about” because I like reading others’. I not only read them, I periodically check to see if favorite bloggers have updated theirs!
Would you care to help me re-write mine?
Please share: what do you most like to see in an about page?
Summer is just about over in New England. Despite the glory of fall, I still find the end of summer sad. This year it is especially melancholy because I feel as if I have not really lived the summer. There were a few wonderful weekends tossed in, but for the most part my summer was sucked into a draining job which provides me with no illusions of contributing to the greater good of humanity.
I spend 6:00-7:00pm each Friday at a local Adoration Chapel. This evening I found that I spent a solid chunk of time in “adoration” thinking about shallow things from work. The realization came along with the knowledge that I want all of the busyness of my life to be things that I will be glad to bring to Jesus. Perhaps I should scratch “things” and make it “people”… I cannot yet be alone with God most of the time, but I can work toward meaning rather than mere survival.
Autumn always feels like death to me, and this year I am glad of it. I feel quite ready to die to all of the material comforts that keep me trapped in a job which kills the soul.
St. John the Baptist had a most difficult office to fulfil; that of rebuking a king. Not that it is difficult for a man of rude arrogant mind to say a harsh thing to men in power,—nay, rather, it is a gratification to such a one; but it is difficult to rebuke well, that is, at a right time, in a right spirit, and a right manner. The Holy Baptist rebuked Herod without making him angry; therefore he must have rebuked him with gravity, temper, sincerity, and an evident good-will towards him. On the other hand, he spoke so firmly, sharply, and faithfully, that his rebuke cost him his life.
We who now live have not that extreme duty put upon us with which St. John was laden; yet every one of us has a share in his office, inasmuch as we are all bound “to rebuke vice boldly,” when we have fit opportunities for so doing.
Today the Church remembers the death of the Forerunner of Christ. Newman’s thoughts on St. John’s example of rebuke strike me as especially pertinent for today. But what a challenge it is to rebuke sin correctly! It is so very easy to whine about politicians with whom we never have personal contact. It is so very difficult to speak well to those whose lives we do impact, and most importantly, to pray for all.
My husband and I returned to Montreal for our first anniversary. Our primary destination was Saint Joseph’s Oratory, the place we went when first married (we were more inclined to start our marriage with a pilgrimage than a honeymoon, and who better than Saint Joseph to talk to about marriage?). The Oratory is large, austere, and can make one feel a bit of the pain that must have been the lot of the husband of the Mother of God.
But this visit we took the first day to see Mary’s churches. The first was the Notre-Dame Basilica.It was the Saturday which was also the Feast of the Assumption of Mary, so I really was not surprised to find that we could not enter the church due to a wedding.
We headed over to Mary, Queen of the World Cathedral. We were allowed to enter even though there was a wedding there as well. The cathedral was large enough that we were quite literally far from disturbing the wedding.
Much more obnoxious than tourists were the photographers who would not get out of the way! I am becoming a huge fan of all those church rules hated by brides. Anyway, the wedding was in English and the homily was great, so it was oddly perfect for my husband and I to sit in the back and have a reminder of what is what with Catholic marriage. We left right before the celebration of the Eucharist since we had to get back to the other church for Mass, but it was the perfect way to spend part of the afternoon.
I took the picture below on our way out of the cathedral. Non-Catholics may find it gruesome, but to me it is a reminder of what marriage is all about: dying for one’s spouse.
Back at the first church for Mass I quickly found myself wishing to be elsewhere. It was gorgeous, but so very odd to be celebrating Mass in what was run as a tourist destination.
It was impossible to say my normal quiet prayers after Mass due to the blast of the organ playing something for show rather than contemplation. I shared a little laugh with my God about the irony of it. But I was more horrified than laughing when there was only a moment of silence before a voice came over the speakers telling Mass-goers to get out of the church so that they could set up for a light show. There was time to snap a picture of a crucifix, but time for only the most rushed of prayers in front of it.
It turns out that on a day dedicated to Mary, the best place to pray was a church dedicated to Patrick. I was kicking myself for not having stayed there for Mass (it is located between the other two churches) so my husband and I walked back to Saint Patrick’s to pray more. It was locked by the time we returned, so we sat on the grass outside and prayed together.
I am most grateful for the wonderful day, even the unwelcome reminder of how easy it is for religion to be turned into a cultural spectacle rather than connection with God.
There is a most annoying tendency to reduce relationships with generalizations about the people in those relationships. Marriage is particularly vulnerable to this because it consists of one male and one female person. Oh, what fun we can have with our gender stereotypes! Thus come the His Need, Her Needs, Love and Respect, For Women Only, etc. etc. etc.
I suppose that these sorts of things may be fine for some things (like mocking?;-) but they are at least useless when it comes to actually living marriage. Honestly, if one needs broad generalizations in order to understand the man she lives with, it is a sad, sad day for marriage. Of course the generalizations will be correct in some instances, but even in those cases, why would one rely on “oh, men are motivated by x” rather than “from personal experience I know that my husband is motivated by x”?!
My great sin so far in marriage is that I tend to assume differences where none exist.
Me: Oh, husband, should I spend more time on appearance so that you can glory in my beauty?
Husband: ::thinking to self:: Dear Lord, what does she think I am? One of those mythical beasts who notices these things?
Recently I have really, really wanted more time alone. I am drained from all the constant interaction at work and then coming home to a small apartment with no me-space means that I am almost always around someone. For an uber-introvert this is no good!
But I didn’t realize how my husband felt until we were talking about our upcoming walk one morning. I asked when he would be ready and his face made his disappointment clear. The poor guy had been anticipating the upcoming 3 miles as a chance to be alone with his thoughts and suddenly felt as though he had to be with me. Ha! I was equally happy to have some time alone and after clarifying that immediately left so that we could walk separately.
As I alternated between walking and running (yes, I am still that out of shape) I contemplated how similar my husband and I are. Of course we have our differences in the ways that all humans do, but my struggles to understand him typically come from foolish assumptions that his needs are different from mine.
Who knew? It turns out that most of us need to eat and sleep and want to be loved and respected.
3. Hike Mt. Washington
7. Procure curtains for bedroom
Mount Washington has been hiked and curtains procured. The picture to the left is not mine1 as I accidentally left my camera in my sister’s backpack after hiking together.
I am still aching today (Tuesday) after hiking on Sunday. But it was oh-so-very worth it. I am thankful to have a body healthy enough to hike mountains, even if it is not fit enough to do so without pain!
And if my legs were not already aching I’d be kicking myself for not getting curtains sooner. At this stage in life everything feels very temporary and money really need to be directed toward debt, so things like ugly blinds get ignored. But I have lived in this apartment for almost a year and it looks as if we may be here for another year. And the price of curtains? Well, it is amazing how inexpensive things can be if one is willing to settle for “cute” rather than “perfect.”
The curtains also served as a great start to my goal of making the bedroom livable rather than merely sleepable. I would love suggestions for that project. I am open to a broad range of ideas… so long as they are inexpensive!
1. All pictures on my blog are mine unless otherwise noted. If you ever want to know, just click on a photo. It will link to the source if there is one other than me!
It has been raining a lot here. I am ready for sun. But on a few not-quite pouring days I have gotten to go hiking.
It is always nice to have helpful signs: apparently the least steep descent is icy in winter. I guess that means that it should only be used during the summer months and, if hiking in December, one should take a steeper trail down?
I am really looking forward to hiking Mt. Washington later this summer. We’ll see how I feel once actually attempting it though!
On my way to work this morning I followed a very slow car with a bumper sticker proclaiming “she’s a child, not a choice.”
And I gradually got more and more upset. The speed of the car did not bother me, it only gave me plenty of time to contemplate the stupidity of so-called “pro-lifers.” They say that a child is not a choice when it is a cute or catchy slogan, but everything else screams that we too see children as choices.
Really, who can say that they honestly do not think of children as choices? If you can, then please comment. I’d love to see a bit of hope in the world and would be happy to bite my tongue.
More likely you know where I am going with this. You know that you see children as choices, no matter how pro-life you may be.
Or you don’t see?
Well then, let’s start with an easy example. When was the last time you talked with friends about someone “trying to conceive”? Did anyone find that distasteful as anti-life? Is it not glaringly pro-choice, now that you think of it? It is one thing to use euphemisms for longing for a child with no pregnancy in sight. But that is not the world I live in. I live in one where people announce that they have decided to stop contracepting and start seeking pregnancy, i.e. chosen to have a child.
The only way to imagine that one can choose a child, but not choose not to have a child, is if one is so caught up in rhetoric that one forgets the way we humans work. We understand things in wholes, even when we only admit to parts. And we admit that children are choices when we talk about choosing to have them. That is really painfully obvious, right?
So why do we not get it? Why do we not either stop talking about children vs. choices, or else stop viewing children as choices?
Perhaps the rhetoric remains for more than it’s catchiness. Perhaps there is a part of us which knows all too well that children cannot merely be chosen. Maybe every child could be a “wanted child” but could every woman have a baby merely by wanting enough?
And we all see those women who we know simply had children. There was no real choice for them, was there?
So what does this mean?
I do not know.
All I know was that when I wrote up my 101 in 1001 list I had to stop myself from writing something about children. Oh, it is still there if you read between the lines (CPR anyone?) and probably not a problem for others making such lists. But I knew that I could not allow myself to put anything in a list of goals because I am already far too inclined to see children as something which can be planned. And they can’t. Or can they? Maybe what bothers me is that children can be planned, but they should not be.
Oh dear, not like that. Of course all parents (and would-be parents) should be responsible. Love requires that one provide for all children an not make stupid choices.
But why must we reduce it all to choice? Do you mind if I wince just a little when I hear people talking about “trying to conceive” as if it is a project like re-decorating the living room, or a goal like a promotion?
Yes conception can be a project… in the same way that all of life is a project. And conception can be a goal… in the same way that getting to heaven is a goal.
But children… what are they? Little people, to be sure, but what else? Choices? Miracles? A hint of hope in darkness? Painful reminders that we are still so very far from a healthy understanding of our world?
I am in a coffee shop and the four men at the table across from me have repeatedly grabbed my attention. The three middle-aged (perhaps on the line of retirement) men and one young man are discussing relationships and rings.
Older man 1: …Save yourself a lot of money. I will tell you what to do. You get the grandmother’s ring and change the setting around.
Young man: What why would grandmother give the ring?
Oder man 2: Which grandmother?
Older man 1: Her grandmother, when she is deceased.
Young man: And if the grandmother is still alive?
Older man 2: So is the grandmother scheduled for deceasedom sometime mid-July?
Young man: So your plan involves me knocking off the grandmother?!
The thing is, things are different with my generation. It is not like that anymore with rings. It is not a surprise. They look online and know all about these things. They pick them out for themselves. It is a sport! And you’ve got to get her the ring that she wants or else she is not marrying you!
Older man 1: Well, you’ve got to start working her now…
Older man 2: He (younger guy) is right. I started looking with $5,000.00 and ended up -$15,000.00.
Older man 1: The price of gold is going up. So sell it to her that way. Explain that she can have a large gold ring rather than diamonds. She will get a large ring and you will still save a ton of money.
Older man 2: ::smirking:: And then when her grandmother dies she can put the diamonds in the large ring?
The other older man didn’t say much of anything during all of this. The conversation continued until it got to the point where the two talking older man began advising the young man to tell the girl about what his priorities really were. He should not devote himself to a girl while still in college.
Older man 2: “I remember the guys devoted to relationships in college… all the lover boys never really got anywhere.”
Older man 1: Right. They turn into 65-year-old beach bums.
At this point the two older men are so busy agreeing with each other that they don’t notice what I am pretty sure is the young man texting underneath the table. I watch as he slides his phone into his pocket, and I hope that he is ignoring the advice of the older men I imagine to have no greater fulfillment in life than in advising young men to follow in their steps and live for business rather than family.
This is hilarious mostly because I find it sad. And, given my views, I shouldn’t really. I am generally opposed to the mass stupidity associated with diamonds. They aren’t a girl’s best friend. They are De Beers best friend. And yet I hate it when men cannot accept something simply because it is of value to their partners. Hey, if diamonds=love for her, then either accept it and give her many valuable diamonds, or else find someone else a little less Lily Allenesque!
The second problem is that I am generally opposed to super-young marriage. And, in New England, engagement during college counts as super-young, particularly for boys men. But why on earth would you advise a young man– who is clearly serious about both work and his relationship– to break up simply so that he could be more free for work?
I have got to side with young love on this one: even if it does come in the form of needing diamonds for validation.
What say you?
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