You Are Prettier Than You Look
Makeup on, hair straightened, slouching, chubby. Not trying, yet not entirely "real."
May I tell you something without hurting your feelings? Good.
I think that you are more attractive than you appear in your pictures.
Whenever I see pictures of blog friends, I always find them less attractive than I imagine. This is the case even when I have seen pictures before. It does not matter that I know that the picture is “more real” than what I imagine, it is not what I believe to be true, so I ignore it.
Of course there are a few exceptions: you know who you are, people who only post rare perfectly edited glamor shots. But most of us just aren’t that attractive in “real” pictures. Even when you look great, you still don’t look as fabulous as you do in my mind as I read your words.
Back in the day I used to be very good about posting pictures of myself. I was aware that I might some day meet the people I encountered online, and I did not want them to find me surprisingly ugly in real life. So I deliberately posted less than attractive “normal” pictures. These days I debate removing all photographic evidence of my physical appearance.
I know that I risk offending you with this admission (you, dear reader, should not be offended since you are, of course, the exception). But I suspect that I am not the only one who feels this way.
Do you sometimes find bloggers rather like characters in a favorite book? Do you think that your imagination does a better job than the movie reality? Do you think that connecting words to the real face behind them matters?
I completely agree that I develop an image in my mind if I don’t see pictures. And then I looked at my pictures – one from 5 years ago or so, and one from swimming with the dolphins. Maybe it’s time for an update?!?
Always glad to know I’m not alone. And I agree that it is time for an update, though I do like your old picture. It is fun.
I agree to a point. My mental image is almost always vastly different from reality, but I only sometimes like it better. I like being totally wrong though. It’s fun! Same with people on the phone. I worked for a company for about a year, and the majority of the people there I never saw in real life. There was a lady that I had to frequently email and send faxes to, her name was Ruth “something that sounds stereotypically Jewish” and I imagined her as a little old lady. I’ve never seen her in real life, but even just speaking to her gave me a vastly different opinion. She’s, like, 19.
You are right that being wrong *can* be a lot of fun!
I think that’s kind of true. But maybe it’s more that our particular expectations are not met. I certainly don’t think that of friends that I know physically as well as online. But that’s because my expectations and reality are one and the same. Btw, remind me not to show you a picture of myself!
I think that you are right about expectations and reality matching. I had not even considered thinking this about “real life” friends.
And I’m fine with not seeing pictures as long as I get to meet you in person.
Hahhaha. I totally feel the same way sometimes. It’s interesting what our minds construct. I often feel that way when seeing a place I’ve always wanted to visit, too–and I REALLY notice it when someone posts a video blog and her voice is totally different than I pictured. Usually –oddly–it’s higher-pitched than I’d have ever imagined. That’s been true of every single video blog I’ve ever watched. Not sure why.
I have the same experience with voices! The one exception is Jennifer from conversiondiary.com and her voice (which sounds great) is probably deeper than average in person. I’ve thought of vlogging/podcasting but can’t stand the sound of my recorded voice.
Yeah, this is really true. I noticed this when I saw all the pics from CNMC. All the bloggers looked different than how I was used to seeing them because I only see them in the blog pictures. That’s the mental image I have of them. Like you for instance. I always think of you as smiling. Whenever I see your posts on Twitter, you are smiling…so that’s how I see you in my mind. Do you always smile?
I was going to say “no” to your question, but I asked Josh and he said that I really do smile a lot. So not always, but apparently most often.
Yes! I think blogging is one piece of proof that real beauty is on the inside.
That’s the other thing I was thinking Rebecca! Thanks for saying that.
Very good point!
Oh yes, I agree
see now i always think of you as your twitter picture and this picture looks completely different. i like it though!
and i think one of the most disconcerting things is when people choose an avatar that is old and then when they post a picture it looks nothing like them and it just throws me. so i have a picture in my head and it’s all messed up and i can’t reconcile the two. normally i just stick with the first picture and it’s confusing to me every time i see the “real them”
also, i completely agree with Kelly. i normally just skip vlogs because i’m thrown every time.
I guess I should update my avatar/twitter picture!
That’s true, it happens a lot in the blogsphere ( do people use this “word”, because there’s one word in spanish fot that
) For example I don’t have a picture of me on my blog (I have a picture of Christ because I was discerning to be consecrated), and I get the same idea from readers of my blog, and when I read some blogs I get the same picture on my mind, wondering who could write that interesting article or that poem. Happens a lot!
But there’s other story on Facebook and twitter, those are pure vanity, the opposite of this post
I’ve seen “blogosphere” more with the “o” but I have no idea what is correct/most used.
I guess that it would be great if people saw you as Christ!
i always find myself shocked when I do finally see a photo of people i’ve been reading for a long time. So far no one looks like the way they do in my imagination.
Another thing that always shocks me, is when they do a video post and you can hear their voice. Although i’m usually aware that someone is from a different country, so logically will have a different accent to me, I always get so excited when i discover they sound so English/American/etc because my imagination makes everyone sound Australian.
I have the opposite problem. In my mind everyone sounds like an American with no regional accent!
I think Rebecca hit it on the head, and maybe this is one good thing about the disconnect–we get to know each other based on the inner beauty, not the outer.
Ditto to Rebecca and Kathleen!
I do like when people post pictures of themselves, though, no matter how different they look from what I’ve imagined, because then I feel like I know them just that much better.
I agree. I love seeing pictures, no matter how much I think that they are “wrong.”
Quite right.
I love this post… personally, I’m torn. I’ve contemplated removing my photo from my blog and re-doing it [the look and feel] entirely, but then sometimes I find it difficult to read other’s if I can’t put a face to their “voice.”
It’s a tough question!
Yes Yes, I completely agree. I just blogged about this, I think you commented on that post. If I only uploaded pictures of me looking good, I would never have a photo to upload. Because really, who has time to put on make-up, do their hair, find a nice outfit, and take care of two kiddos? I sure don’t. I’ve gotten so darn lazy that poor Gianna spit up on her outfit this morning and instead of changing it, I just put two clean wash cloths between her skin and the wet outfit. I mean, if I can’t even find the time to change an outfit (for the third time today!) do I really have time to apply make-up? Don’t think so.
(I am a good mom. I just can’t stomach changing her outfit again…because I know she will eventually pee or poop in it anyways and that would require a change for sure.)
I know that you are a great mom! And I really liked your post on this topic. One of the reasons that I love your blog is the fact that it feels like I am getting to know a real person.
I agree, and in practice have chosen what I consider the best of recent options.
I enjoy when bloggers have pictures of themselves on the blog but also understand that other images can sometimes feel like important representation of a particular aspect.
The problem with “recent options” for me is that I’m usually the one taking pictures, so “recent” is typically once or twice a year. Which doesn’t bother me, but then I’m surprised to find out that people think there is a significant difference.
I used to stress about this, and sometimes I still do, but I am more and more just giving up. People will think what they want.
At BlogHer, I had all these visions of different bloggers. And some seriously disappointed me. But not with their looks — with their actions. There are some I just can’t read in the same way because they were so snooty. And some sites I’ll never go back to.
Very good points. I wouldn’t be able to blog at all if I allowed myself to think to much about what others think of me. And you’re right that actions matter oh-so-very-much more than looks.
Love this post btw.
I didn’t realize I did this too at first… but I do. It hit me when I finally saw pictures of a few bloggers that I hadn’t before (becoming facebook friends of all things lol) and I was surprised. Not saying that I’d necessarily pictured them looking “prettier” – just different.
And as for posting pictures of ourselves… If I was going for a perfect picture look I’d never have any of me… I just don’t photograph well. I rarely like any. A couple of times I’ve heard people complain about people saying something about how bad they look in a pic and how if they really felt that way they wouldn’t post it… it irks me every time I hear it, because no… I really don’t. I just don’t care. I stopped a long time ago when I realized not getting pictures of me because of it meant I was missing a lot of memories.
Love that one you posted of you btw!
I agree. I never think that I look good in pictures, but hey, that’s the way I look and if I want to have pictures to post then I’ve got to deal with it!
Thanks!
Haha, I write a modest fashion blog and every time I post pics of myself in an outfit I can’t help but think, “God I am so much cuter in person.” Pretentious perhaps, but true.
I agree, you are beautiful because God is in you and that is reflected.