There Is No Wealth But Life

Considering My Environment: Drying Hair

By Rae June 16, 2009 Uncategorized 3 Comments

I have not been online much for the past few weeks. I wish that I could say that was due to the fact that I was abstaining from wasting electricity. Alas, the explanation is far more mundane and, well, less virtuous. It involves sickness and business and the usual. But, while I have not been posting (or reading or commenting) I have been tracking my environmental sins. And they are numerous.

My hair dryer is essential to both my good looks and my happiness. See how happy it makes me?

First for consideration is a completely unnecessary use of a hair dryer. I can (almost) understand if one really cares about one’s hair and finds blow drying it essential to achieving a much-loved style. But I do not tend to care much about my hair. It is unruly, to be sure, but control depends far more upon the styling products used (and style desired) than the way it dries. And, let’s be honest, I really do not pay much attention to controlling my hair most days.

So, why do I resort to wasting electricity rather than letting my hair dry naturally? I am lazy.

I do not like getting up early enough to allow my hair to dry naturally before it is time to leave for work. I am disinclined to interrupt my evening in order to shower and still have enough time for my hair to dry before work.

So, my hair dries naturally a few days a week, but most days find me grabbing that most truly unnecessary electromechanical device as I finish my morning routine.

I did not think much about hairdryers prior to this month’s environmental reflection. Oh, sure, I thought about how bad they are in terms of frying hair, but not their utterly unjustified wastefulness.

Now that I have reflected on the issue, I must chastise myself. ::tisk tisk:: eh?

Chastisement done, it is time for improvement. This stinks because it is so simple. There are no elaborate requirements for change that I can translate into excuses to continue my bad habits. I simply have to either get up earlier or else schedule a shower into my early evening. ::sigh::

Why is it so hard to change when it is only such a small change?

Working to be a good (future) mother

By Rae May 30, 2009 Relationships 11 Comments

“You do not have to provide for your family. And if you did, you would not say it that lightly. You would be ashamed if your husband could not provide enough for you.”

That was my father’s response to my lighthearted assertion that I could not take time off from work because I had to “provide for my family.” My father was making a silly suggestion that I simply act as if I did not have a job and randomly take time off whenever I was inclined. I was not inclined to explain that ::gasp:: my job is a real job and I would like to keep it. It is not the career of my dreams, but it works rather well for now. So I alluded to a verse that my parents had me memorize as a child: “if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8).

My father was not buying it. No, men are responsible for “providing.” Women are… well, he did not say what women are responsible for. So I jokingly mis-cited the “Proverbs 31 Woman” as having merchant ships and asked him whether he was going to say that my stay-at-home-maker-extrodinaire sister did not provide for her family.

The conversation went away from the topic, but it was a reminder of how differently I was raised. My parents (and their entire community) sincerely believe that men are financially responsible for the family, while women are domestically responsible for the family. And, don’t ask about how one is supposed to clearly separate those, okay?

Actually, do ask. Because that is the best way to understand how I ended up seeing things differently. You simply cannot separate “responsiblity” into neat little chunks. If one insists that wives are to “support” their husbands only through working at home then one nececesarally denegrates work done at home by making it its own category. It does not matter how much we praise the work that women do at home, when we say that domestic work is the ideal way for women to support their family, we end up devaluing both domestic work and women themselves.

My husband’s income is currently higher than mine. But we would both like it if I earned more. My husband does not enjoy the structure of the traditional workplace. I thrive on it. My husband has amazing creative projects to pursue. I.. well… um… uh… I guess that I would read more if given the time.

I want to work both because I like it, and because I want my children to have a father who is actually able to parent. Men who work the sorts of jobs that require “supportive” wives, do not parent. They earn money for their children, they may even show up for ballgames on the weekends, but they do not parent. I want something better for my children. I want them to actually know the fabulous man I married, not some father figure who is distant and lacks life in the ways that matter to children.

I hate the fact that idealization of motherhood and separate spheres for men and women has deprived so many children of real fathers.

Do you think that I am wrong? Is it good for women to pursue their creative projects (including motherhood as a project, as it often is) while men puruse successful carreers which support their families? Or do you agree that something is wrong when we assume that women should be flexible to do as they like while men must follow a certain path or else be labeled lazy?

June Environment Observation

By Rae May 23, 2009 Uncategorized No Comments

After thinking a lot about my last post I decided to post daily in June. My plan is to consider my day and to note each thing in my immediate environment which I could change in order to have a better (less negative) impact on the environment as a whole. This might turn into a broader project, but for now I plan to limit it to the obvious physical things.

For example: yesterday I bought veggie burgers. This is normal for me, but it probably should not be. The veggie burgers are individually wrapped in plastic, then in a cardboard box. They are shipped from who knows where in who knows what quantity.

I am perfectly able to make my own. I can buy local produce (well as soon as there is some in MA!) and use the very large bags of rice and legumes already in my pantry. It probably won’t save energy in the cooking process, but the packaging of the ingredients is very little compared to the boxed veggie burgers.

So, in June I am going to try to notice these things every day. I know myself well enough to know that awareness is half the battle. Hopefully I won’t have to have 30 posts telling me of my sins before I start fixing a few little things.

This should be at least a little painful, so please don’t hesitate to add to the pain with comments. I want all the suggestions I can get!

101 Goals in 1001 Days

By Rae May 9, 2009 Good to Know, Life, Prayer, Uncategorized 12 Comments

Somewhere around two years ago I first saw someone’s post about completing 101 things in 1001 days. I’ve seen a few others in the meantime, but nothing ever seemed to come of the posts. Then, a few months ago, I saw one of Krista’s posts updating her 101 in 1001 list. I was quite impressed that someone was actually working on completing her chosen tasks!

Then Kathleen asked if anyone wanted to join her in completing 101 goals in 1001 days and I was inspired to join in. Kathleen has already been making great progress in the time that it has taken me to just make my list, but at least it is finally done! Who knew that just making goals could be so hard for some people (read: me)?

Anyway, thanks to their encouragement, here is my list!

Starting: May 9, 2009
Ending: February 5, 2012

Body

1. Run a half-marathon
2. Pay off all current debt
3. Hike Mt. Washington
4. Hike Mt. Katahdin or equivalent
5. Get my husband’s wedding ring re-sized

6. Eat only raw food for two weeks
7. Procure curtains for bedroom
8. Donate blood five times (0/5)
9. Re-certify for CPR etc.
10. Do 15 push-ups in a row.

11. Host a dinner party.
12. Spend a night outside (tents not allowed)
13. Design and implement photo storage system
14. Design and order photo book
15. Have “living will” talk with husband about what we’d both want.

16. Make “Thanksgiving dinner” when it is not Thanksgiving
17. Make bedroom homey (or at least livable, not just sleepable)
18. Give my mother roses in a teapot
19. Send mother-in-law flowers for her half-birthday
20. Go canoeing

21. Buy new running shoes (0/3)
22. Buy running shorts
23. Stop using tampons/disposable pads
24. Make grocery bags (inspired by Taryn!)
25. Transfer to using only natural cleaning products

26. Visit Niagara falls with my husband
27. Visit the Alcott house
28. Visit Nova Scotia
29. Visit Florida with my husband
30. Visit the White Mountains

31. Procure and drink peach black tea with honey and milk
32. Take a bath every day for a month
33. Take ballroom dance lessons
34. Have a picnic by ocean

Soul

35. Start discerning lay Carmelite vocation by following prayer schedule
36. Give up internet for either an Advent or Lent (except while needed at work)
37. Go for two weeks without using my cell phone

38. Read The Ascent of Mount Carmel
39. Read The Dark Night
40. Read Interior Castle
41. Read The Way of Perfection
42. Read The Life of Saint Teresa of Avila by Herself
43. Read Contemplative Prayer by Thomas Merton
44. Read Something by Chrysostom

45. Volunteer at a meal center
46. Pray the full Liturgy of the Hours every day for a month
47. Watch six movies with my husband, at a theater (0/6)
48. Paint. Something, anything, but it must count as artistic rather than functional.
49. Make a sandcastle

50. Examine conscience nightly (10 passes while getting into the habit)
51. Attend liturgy at an Orthodox Cathedral
52. Make an Advent wreath
53. Celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel
54. Spend a night at a monastery/retreat house

55. Spend two days in silence
56. Visit Notre-Dame Basilica in Montreal
57. Visit Russian Icon Museum
58. Visit Mary, Queen of the World Cathedral
59. Visit St. Anthony Shrine Boston

60. Visit the Basilica of Our Lady of Perpetual Help Boston
61. Visit Rome
62. Attend a Melkite Greek Catholic Liturgy
63. Attend a Maronite Catholic Liturgy
64. Visit four monasteries (0/4)

65. Mail Christmas cards with personal notes
66. Pray complete rosary in one day (20 mysteries)
67. Plant a rose bush
68. Visit four cathedrals (0/4)

Mind

69. Learn basic CSS
70. Back up all of my computer files (totally stolen from K, thank you!
71. Achieve intermediate Italian
72. Volunteer to teach religious education class
73. Learn to type reasonably quickly with the numeric keypad

74. Spend 10 hours brushing up on all the basic math skills
75. Take a practice GRE
76. Spend 25 hours on areas most needed to improve score
77. Take GRE
78. Write a defense of celibate marriage

79. Learn 50 new English words
80. Read 5 complete issues of the Economist
81. Write 20 letters to people I’ve not been in contact with for years (0/20)
82. Send thank you notes to past professors (0/6)
83. Read 100 poems (0/100)

84. Take a science class
85. Learn something about wines. Anything
86. Achieve basic photography competence (my standard)
87. Learn two prayers in Latin
88. Read three books cited in She Who Is (0/3)

89. Watch something related to art history
90. Read a personal finance book
91. Read ten encyclicals (0/10)
92. Research vaccines
93. Read something by Virginia Woolf

94. Read something by Turgenev
95. Watch Onegin
96. Go to five museums (0/5)
97. Read a new book recommended by someone online
98. Memorize all of the countries in Central America

99. Go to see a play.
100.Read a complete issue of Communio
101. Read/listen to The Hobbit

Thai Inspired Stir Fry: Part II

By Rae April 30, 2009 Food 1 Comment

This is the second part of instructions for making a crazy-large amount of faux-healthy stir fry. I used a base of rice noodles, but the rice of your choice will work equally well so long as you have enough time to cook it.

Warning: don’t read if your worst moments in college consisted of reading a classmate’s paper that just-would-not-keep-tenses-straight. At this point I’m ready for bed and not sure who is cooking what when! Do read on if you are only interested in how.

Drain the beans after soaking overnight. If using soybeans you may want to allow them a few days to sprout. Simply rinse twice a day and let sprout, preferably away from the sun. Don’t worry about all the anti-sprout stories. As long as there is no visible mold, you are more than fine. We are going to cook away any little evils right along with the enzymes!

Since I used Great Northern beans I only let them “sprout” for a day after draining. Not sure how they got their name, but Great Northern beans are *not* great for retaining crunch once sprouted and cooked a little. Stopping the sprouting process before the beans have even split helps them hold together.

Once you are really ready for stir fry start with frying onions and garlic. I used two medium onions and a small handful of garlic. Once browned a bit I set aside half of the mixture in a small pot for the peanut sauce. To the remaining onions and garlic I added whatever vegetables happened to be around: in this case about a cup of fresh carrots, a half pound of mushrooms, two green peppers, and a pound of frozen vegetable mixture with the auspicious title “oriental”. I wonder who gets to decide that broccoli, carrots and peppers are suddenly “oriental” when a little baby corn and water chestnuts have been tossed in?

Toss about 1/4 cup brown sugar and 1/2 cup soy sauce into the pot along with your beans and this is what you get.

Vegetables with almost-sprouted beans

But wait! We’re far from done. While the beans softened just a bit I made a tofu topping. Cut a block of extra firm tofu into smaller chunks. Dip first in beaten egg (it should take two eggs) and then coat with cornstarch mixture (cup of cornstarch, 1/2 t. salt, 1/4 t. black pepper) before frying. I barely cover my frying pan with a bit of canola oil, but it is enough to get a nice brown color.

Nice, right?

Fried Tofu

While the tofu and vegetables are busy with their respective heat in their respective pans I return to the onion and garlic set aside. A cup of water, cup of peanut butter, 1/4 cup brown sugar and 1/3 cup soy sauce make the world’s easiest peanut sauce. A bit of fresh ginger can be good, but my husband doesn’t care for it, so I left it out. Fresh basil is also delicious at any point, but it is a rare treat. So simple peanut sauce will have to do.

Peanut sauce

If the tofu is brown it is time to add in the sauce. If you’re starting to think that tofu looks delicious, you must be doing something right.

Tofu

Make a little mountain of tofu on top of vegetables on top of rice noodles.

Stir Fry

If you’re lucky, your dinner partners will be like mine and think that your wonderful little beans taste just like peanuts. And then you can pretend that it is a healthy meal since everyone knows that Great Northern beans are much healthier than peanuts. Right? Right.

Okay, time to be honest. Can you imagine thinking that white beans tasted like peanuts? I don’t actually think that they are entirely convincing, but my not-so-health-enthralled husband loves them. How about you?

Thai Inspired Stir Fry: Part I

By Rae April 27, 2009 Food 2 Comments

Back in the day when April seemed as long as March, I entered That Wife’s Food Challenge. It is, theoretically, an easy one. Just make your favorite recipe. From the start I was uncertain. What to make? My real favorite recipe is probably mashed potatoes. Yummy, nay, orgasmically delicious, but not all that interesting of a recipe. Besides, doesn’t everyone already have their own favorite version?

So I decided to make my husband’s favorite. I enjoy the Thai inspired flavor of this stir fry, but what I really love is the fact that my meat-loving husband has come to adore tofu. And sprouted soy beans. Take that, oh-wonderful-Southern-cooking-mother-in-law!

This dish is easy but it does take some planning ahead. That is why I started soaking beans tonight. There are no soy beans in the house, so a half pound of Great Northern beans take their place. In fact, while I am biased toward soy–and the poor dears so need their defenders!–any white bean will do. Simply rinse and then cover with water twice the depth of the beans.

Soaking beans

Tomorrow morning I will drain the water off before going to work, and by tomorrow evening I will have the beginnings of bean sprouts.

I’ll explain the rest of the recipe later when I have pictures. In the meantime, do you eat sprouts? I’ve found surprisingly few recipes that incorporate sprouting. Sad, since it is so simple and really fun in a childish way. Let me know if you have any good recipes using sprouts. I’ve slacked off a bit recently and would love inspiration!

Celebrating a wonderful weekend

By Rae April 26, 2009 Happy Days 7 Comments

I have had a wonderful, restful weekend.

I’ve enjoyed walking in the woods with my husband,

woods

a lovely, late breakfast of crêpes,

crepes

And quiet time re-reading Pope Benedict’s “Spe Salvi.”

“Saved in Hope” is most appropriate for me right now because I have been aware of my great need for hope. It is funny, I naturally tend to think of hope as something which people simply have. Love is a virtue which one cultivates, but hope? Of course hope it is a virtue as well, and the obvious sister of faith, but somehow I forget quickly.

This particular encyclical¹is hard for me to get into, and I wish the translators cared more about style. Thankfully the concepts ultimately conveyed are great.

Pope Benedict describes eternity as “the supreme moment of satisfaction” which is like “plunging into the ocean of infinite love, a moment in which time–the before and after–no longer exists.” He continues to say that “we can only attempt to grasp the idea that such a moment is life in the full sense, a plunging ever anew into the vastness of being, in which we are simply overwhelmed with joy.”

I love the fact that being “overwhelmed with joy” is not only a wonderful concept, Pope Benedict describes it as something we can only attempt to grasp. “Attempting to grasp” is enough of a task for me!

1. Just a fancy name for one of the ways that the Pope teaches. Basically a long letter to Catholics.

Exhaustion

By Rae April 23, 2009 Life 15 Comments

What do you do when you are worn out in soul and body?

This week has been exhausting. A change in work schedule required both a change in sleep schedule and a change in spiritual schedule. Getting up at 5:30am rather than 8:00am is not really that much of a jump in time, but it took me a while to start falling asleep earlier. I am still trying to figure out what to change in order to get enough time for spiritual life. I usually attend daily mass, but haven’t been since Sunday. I used to go to a 6:45am mass, but haven’t in a few years so it seems so early! Catholics fast for at least an hour prior to receiving communion, so an early mass means either a really early breakfast, or no breakfast. Since I love my morning food I need to start getting up really early. It is worth it, but I am lazy, so it is not easy.

Even though I added other times of prayer to my days this past week, I have found that missing mass has left me very drained. When I am drained I hide. I don’t actually crawl under my bed (as I often tell my husband so he will know where to find me) but I certainly want to. Instead of hiding physicaly, I ignore voice mail. I just don’t check it at all unless I see a missed call I was particularly anticipating. My family knows to email me since I will at least scan emails. But they also know to not expect a response unless it is urgent.

I also ignore my blog and feedreader. Somewhat surprisingly I still check a few blogs. I don’t tend to comment as much, but there is something really wonderful about scanning something which is both amazingly intimate and yet does not require my particular attention. I feel as though other people are still really alive and well, even when they are simply articulating their own exhaustion, or even isolation.

It has not always been this way. When I lived alone I longed to connect with others. Phonecalls were always a delightful way to counteract self-obsession. There was an abundance of time by myself, for myself. I typed riduculously long emails and wrote many thoughtful cards. When I was tired I reached out to others. These days I withdraw until I have a chance to replenish with time alone.

Do you have any quirky ways of withdrawing when exhausted? Any suggestions for living so well that you’re never tired at all?

Edible Serendipity

By Rae April 17, 2009 Food 8 Comments

Spinach tomato bean yum

This is a picture of a caserole that I made with black-eyed peas, spinach, tomatoes, onions and bread crumbs. The onions and spinach were sautéd in butter with salt, garlic, and fennel. After adding in the chopped tomato and cooked beans I covered the mixture with homemade italian breadcrumbs and freshly grated parmesan cheese. It is also great with just a little cooked rice mixed in.

My husband thought it was delicious but wondered who on earth would ever think of such a combination. I got inspiration for combinatin from all recipes (anyone else an allrecipes.com fan?) but have little ability to stick to a recipe. In this case I suspect that my version was better anyway.

Be honest. Do you follow recipes faithfully or end up using them for inspiration as you dump ingrediens with glee?

Any ideas for surprisingly good food?

Name that woman!

By Rae April 15, 2009 Funny Thing Is, Life 7 Comments

Most of my friends do not know my name. I find that quite odd. I knew that people in general would assume that I had changed my name when I got married, but I did not realize that almost everyone would assume. Friends with whom I have had long late-night abstract discussions about the meaning of marriage somehow thought that when it came down to “real life” I would conform to their expectations. One explained that she thought I might hyphenate, but when addressing her wedding invitations she thought of separate names as an indication that a couple was not married. So she addressed the envelope to husband’s-last-name since she knew that I am “very married.”

She meant that as a compliment. Even though I am odd she respects me enough to just pretend that I meet cultural expectations for a good married woman.

I have yet to be offended by someone calling me by my husband’s name. If it was a sensitive issue I would have made sure that everyone knew the right name in the first place. But I do think that it is funny that almost everyone assumes that I changed my name. Seriously. Drop your cultural training for just a moment. It really is odd to assume that someone has a different name from the one you’ve always known, when you were never told that the name changed!

To make matters more complex, I do intend to change my name at some point. My husband and I decided to share a name. A completely new name not shared by our families. In theory, he is the one who cares most about us having a family name for us and our children. I am happy to go along with it because I want him to be happy. In reality though, he does not want to bother with paperwork. So we continue with the names we were given at birth. My guess is that we will continue this way until forced into action by a child.

When I do change my name everyone will think it is odd. And they should. It is weird to change one’s name. I accept that. I am odd. It is strange that I have no attachment to my name and am perfectly willing to take a new name. When I change my name people should be surprised. But they should not be surprised when my name is today what it always has been!

This is a sensitive issue for many people, but I wish they could see the humor. Is it not horribly ironic that the same people who assume my name has changed will be most surprised when I do actually change it?

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