The thing I love about the word “Hubris” is that only people who embody it use it. Life would be so much simpler if all words worked that way!
And I can’t help but thinking that it is the perfect word to describe why people post about not posting. Meta-much?
No, really. As much as I love to read others’ interesting explanations for why they were blogging less, or exuberant declarations of all the engaging posts they have planned, I still think that there is something incredibly arrogant about assuming that there are people pining for new posts. Sure, there have been countless times when I have checked others blogs for nonexistent updates, but it is not as if their apologies for absence are actually directed at me. Which I guess just brings me back to the fact that I secretly believe that others all blog for themselves, even as some find it impossible to believe that I ultimately blog for myself er, I mean for Josh.
And yes, I do talk to myself in my head in precisely the same way that I write here.
But back to why I haven’t been blogging. We all already knew that, right?
I’ve been sick pretty much forever. Before being hired for my current job one of my fears was that I wouldn’t be able to work because of all of my health issues. As it turned out I was incredibly blessed with a job which I could handle quite well most of the time and with only minor difficulty a few days of the month.
And then my responsibilities changed. And then they changed again. And now I can’t handle anything. Add in the fact that I am an Introvert with a capital “I” and I am impressed that I can even talk to Josh for a few minutes at the end of a work day.
Surprisingly enough I have been content and–dare I say it–mostly happy. There is peace and relief in the realization that there is ultimately no need for me to be alive. Because of that, even if my life does not meet my standards, it is entirely alright.
I realized recently that if asked what I did this past year the only thing I could say would be “I wasn’t on the pill.” Basically I’ve just been sick and not done the only reasonable thing to remedy the situation. And yes, my dear sane, non-psycho-Catholic readers, I do realize the insanity.
Josh counters that I also managed to work and pay off debt, but really? I’ve done nothing.
I suppose that I can celebrate lessons learned, but that sounds rather active. And at the moment all I’m up for is periodically pretending that I am fine. Because if I can make myself believe it, then it will be true. Right? Right.
And now I guess this is the part where I tell you about all the fabulous posts I have planned. As it happens I have been sitting on some pretty great guest posts. But otherwise? Um. Well. I hope you like posts about chronic/women’s health issues and marriage, because that’s all I’ve got.
Now, about you. If you happen to read all of this I would love to hear about how you have been these past few months. If you have a blog then there is a good chance that I have kept up with reading it but remember aboslutely nothing. And, um, that’s not a joke.
- Using Contraception with a Natural Family Planning Mentality
- NaPro? Not For Me